Soulful Sneakers

Soulful Sneakers

Long-handled shoehorn atop a pair of sneakers

Once again, I am sending you a blog not as a fellow gardener, but as a caring friend. You can see in the photo a shoehorn laying on top of sneakers. Now these are not just any sneakers—these shoes have a soul that can communicate with the wearer. In this case, these sneakers perceived the moans and groans as I bent over to tie these shoes. In a soft and gentle voice, they told me to tie the bows in a knot.

They said to remove the sneakers at the end of the day, simply use one shoe to press on the heal of the other. Then use your bare foot in a similar fashion to remove the other shoe. They said to immediately search on Amazon for long handled shoehorns. There I would find 2 shoehorns under the Velette brand for $15. Now, these wouldn’t arrive for 2 days, so I was told to plan on wearing a different pair of shoes until my order arrives. The shoes said to order a second shoehorn because they had heard moans and groans from the other side of the bedroom.

 I have been to a lot of estate sales, and it was not uncommon to find a long-handled shoehorn among the estate remains. It always made me somewhat sad that whoever had died, had to resort to using such a device. Well, guess who must be getting old?

 When that time arrives for you, you may find your soulful sneakers talking to you. If you bought them at Fleet Feet, they were expensive. That’s the price you pay for English speaking sneakers. If you bought them at an outlet store or a store like T.J. Maxx, you paid less, but the language spoken won’t be English. You will need to use Google Translator unless you happen to be lucky and can speak that same language.

 In the meantime, don’t fret. When that day arrives, simply listen to your sneakers and do what they say—life will be easier if you do.

Stan, The Old Man

E D Syndrome

For those of you who are not familiar with E D, Easily Distracted Syndrome is a very common ailment which seems to become more prevalent in humans as they age—at least that has been my experience. Perhaps you have fallen prey to this same malady. As gardeners, here are some of the symptoms that you may have noticed:

 You mean to leave water running in a particular area of your yard for 5 minutes, but discover hours later that it is still running. That happened to me last week when I let water run on a wisteria, and didn’t turn it off until 4 hours later when I returned from a medical appointment. Then, I have a dear friend who got distracted and flooded not only part of her back yard as well as her neighbor’s by letting a hose run all night.

You have accumulated a collection of well rusted tools. It was not your intention to leave tools out in the weather, but it has happened over and over again. I won’t name names, but after sharpening hundreds of your garden tools, I can definitely tell that some of you have a serious problem with E D.

You go in the garden with a particular task in mind. Hours later you realize that chore was never even started. Nothing will distract me faster that the sight of a weed that is producing seeds. And perhaps that distraction is justifiable because as you perhaps learned from Patricia Carpenter, weed seeds can stay viable an average of 7 years, with some lasting as long as 20. We planted a morning glory 48 years ago and them removed it several years later. Believe it or not, a new morning glory will still occasionally appear in that area.

You find yourself walking somewhere and then stopping . . . not remembering why you are even there. It truly amazes me that my body has stayed on task, but my mind was completely distracted. I will be standing exactly where I wanted to be—and not have any idea why I’m there.

Now, I don’t mean to alarm you if you have similar experiences. I generally find E D amusing—but not the wasted water episodes. My editor has told me that I shouldn’t describe a problem without providing a solution. The only thing I have to offer is—use your phone. I know the 2 of you are inseparable, so constantly set alarms to get you back on task. Of course, if you can’t find your phone . . . Perhaps you should be thankful that you are still able to move around—even if can’t remember why.

Stan, The E D Man