A Burning Desire

Well, this tool is not for everyone.  It is the propane torch.  If the height of your weeds rivals that of your cultivated plants, this is not a tool for you.  If your favorite weeding tool is a scythe, this is not a tool for you.  No, this is a tool limited to the OCD.  The propane torch is also generally best suited for urbanites.  Do you have small weeds growing in the joints of your side walk?  Perhaps weeds have found the cracks in the driveway.  Are pavers a part of your landscape?  Do the weeds love your gravel paths?

            I can you hear you saying, “Ever hear of Round-Up?”  Well, does Round-Up kill weed seeds?  No.  There is a particular thrill in hearing the popping of weed seeds as you apply the flame of your torch.  I also don’t like to wait days to enjoy the sight of a defeated foe.  This tool meets the high standards of an immediate reward society.

            So what is a propane torch?  It is simply a nozzle that screws onto a tank of propane.  You can buy a nozzle for less than $15.  But I want you to spend more.  The extra cost will allow you to turn the flame on and off with the mere push and release of a button.  This is an important safety feature in that the flame is not burning when you are not using it.   You are able to move all over your garden (or neighborhood) and use a flame only when needed. This lets you use very little gas to eliminate thousands of weeds.  I have been using the same tank of gas for 10 years.  I finally stopped buying propane tanks at garage sales—the count stands at 9 tanks.  Home Depot has the Benzomatic Sure Fire Torch Head for $34.97.  Ace Hardware has its own Instant On-off Propane Torch Head for $37.99.

            Now there are limitations to weeding with a propane torch.  You cannot burn weeds growing near flammable material such as dead leaves, bark, fences, and spreader boards in concrete slabs.  You cannot burn a weed growing next to a drip tube or soaker hose.

            I do have to warn you of a potential danger.  When you come to enjoy using this tool to the extent that your yard is devoid of weeds, you may find yourself searching for weeds in the sidewalks and driveways of your neighbors.  If you suddenly look up and realize you’re lost, fear not.  Like the proverbial trail of bread crumbs, simply follow the path of blackened annual rye and spurge back to your house.

            In summary:  What makes this garden tool so special? The propane torch eliminates weeds and viable weed seeds in seconds, particularly when the substrate cannot be penetrated by a conventional weeder.  It is an environmentally friendly treatment.  You are able to cover a lot of garden area without getting on your hands and knees.  It’s strange that someone hasn’t developed a specialized rack for displaying this efficient weed killing weapon for the rear windows of gardeners’ pickups.


Happy burning,

Stan, The Tool Man